Trouble and
How to Avoid It

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by Stephen Phillips

Oh oh, things are not looking so peachy in Afghanistan.  Those nasty bearded chaps, the Taliban, are causing trouble in paradise.

Yes, my friends, the self-same regime that bought you the latest female attire,  all-in -one sacks--meant to cover a girl's modesty, along with everything else that could possibly distinguish a woman from a sack of potatoes.  The nice people who brought new meaning to the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a good stoning will kill anyone.”

Just when the U.S. administration thought it was safe to move on to other playgrounds, the unfinished business in Afghanistan that was supposed to just quietly go away has come back with a vengeance, biting Team Bush on its collective posterior.  I’ll bet that G.W and his band of   "avenging angels" are wishing they had finished the job in the first place, instead of going off half -cocked.  (Sounds a bit like Gulf War Part I,   doesn’t it?)

It’s beginning to look like doom and gloom for G.W. and his roving band of caballeros, out to instill democracy and freedom in an increasingly unstable world.  What’s next on the agenda?

Well, with the situation in Iraq still as volatile as ever, the Israelis and Palestinians slugging it out over land like the New York Giants trying to gain that extra yardage, and the secretive North Koreans pursuing their own WMD program, American forces are starting to get stretched a little thin on the ground.

Folks, can you say, “We're in deep shit here?” 

"Ah,  that’s as may be," I can hear you say, "but surely there is some silver lining to all this instability in the world?"

Uh…no, not really. 

As the body count in Iraq continues to increase exponentially, with seemingly no end in sight, and even the seasoned hawks who were all for the conflict now saying they anticipate the troops staying in Iraq until 2007 at the earliest, what’s a President to do?

I know:  let's deflect people’s attention away from the crisis at home, and announce bold new plans to build a manned base on the moon. 

That’s a brilliant idea, George!   An audacious plan, indeed.  But could there be an alternate reason for this?   Excuse my skepticism, but I’m thinking if the Americans build a base on the moon, wouldn’t that be the perfect place to shuttle off all those nasty Taliban and al Queda chaps?  That way,the bleeding-heart liberals   wouldn’t find it so easy to check on the prisoners' wellbeing.    Out of sight, out of mind.

All you'll need to do then is bung up a couple of McDonalds, stick a 7-Eleven store on every corner, and voila!  it’ll be just like downtown Guantanamo Bay.

That’s showing a glimmer of intelligence there, G.W.!  (And God knows, you need to prove to much of the world’s population at this point that you're not two sandwiches short of a picnic.)


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